The 6 categories of life-bans - PCB style

The 6 categories of life-bans - PCB style

1) The "He's so talented to stay banned" ban

In this kind of life-ban the player is banned between a series end and the next series beginning. Before the next series, realization sets in that they dont have a player to replace the banned player, the fans clamour for a comeback, the authorities decide that the banned player has learnt his lesson and the player is pardoned and selected for the next series

A typical Pak fan comment - "He might have murdered someone but it was for his country and anyways I don't care how many he murders as long as he still plays in the next match"

Typical example : - Sohaib Akhtar


2) The "He is just stupid" ban

In this kind of life-ban, the player is banned because of extreme unsporty behaviour/cheating, but is pardoned based on the fact that the player has an IQ below 50. Kind of like when criminals plead insanity as a defense

A typical Pak fan comment - "He doesnt realise that he was cheating while dancing on the pitch or biting the ball because he is such a beast

Typical example :- Shahid Afridi


3) The "He was led astray" ban

In this kind of life-ban, the presence of another player having had more than 2 life-bans automatically helps the newbie to be pardoned based on association. Everyhting is blamed on the more experienced culprit and the other guy is the innocent lamb led astray by the wolf. the newbie is also thought to be completely incapable of independent thoughts, a prime criteria to be 'talented'

Typical Pak fan comment - Ban that senior guy. Why was he in the same state when the newbie commited the offense? He might have retired but he still is such a bad influence on the youngsters

Typical example - Asif (his first time) and possiby Amir


4) The "PCB is your father" ban

This kind of life-ban is enforced by PCB to show a player, who has been getting too big for his boots, his rightful place. The ban can be immediately re-considered if the said player begs forgiveness (despite doing no wrong) and bows to PCB dictates.

A typical Pak fan comment - Why cant X beg forgiveness for all his sins even though he has never commited them. Its for the country's sake

Typical example - YK and MoYo


5) The "Save his *** from ICC" ban


This kind of life-ban is used to protect star players from being banned by ICC. The ban is enforced only to be removed before the next series after a "democratic" tribunal hears the appeal

A typical Pak fan comment - But he has already been punished by PCB once. How can ICC punish him twice for the same crime

Typical example - Asif


6) The "Its all a conspiracy" ban

In this life-ban, the player is banned because of loads of evidence against him but then it is alleged to be a conspiracy by BCCI/RAW/Mossad and following a national outcry, the player is unbanned

Typical Pak fan comment - I am sure BCCI added nandro while he was peeing into a test tube

Typical example - Asif